Do you ever wonder what two couples therapists talk about when they have lunch together? I assume the title of this post gave you hint! We don’t talk about clients as much as people think, in fact it’s kind of rare unless we happen to be doing a more formal clinical consultation, and getting strategic advice.
We talk about our own relationships, and how we are practicing what we preach, how we might be falling short (it happens, we are human too), and how to make improvements. While that might seem like a therapy session, it’s far from it. But in talking about our own relationships with our husbands, I shared what I though was a common tip for satisfaction in the bedroom with my friend and fellow couples expert, Robyn D’Angelo, that made her jaw drop! She then insisted on me writing this post.
She had so many follow up questions about this technique, and we just had so much fun talking about it and how it really does create maximum satisfaction for both partners in bed, and so I just had to share it with you. So what am I talking about?
It has little to do with sex, and more to do with your actual bed. My pro tip is for each of you to have your own blanket in bed. Jaw dropping, I know! But really, it happens to be something that my hubby and I discovered a long time ago, and it made a huge difference for us.
In the beginning of a relationship one blanket is fine. In the beginning you get in bed and talk, and cuddle, and maybe even fall asleep in each other’s arms. In the beginning, you ignore the fact that your arm’s been numb every night for a week because your partner falls asleep on it and you can’t bare to wake them, so you just deal with that feeling of pins and needles until you drift off to sleep. But let’s just be real – after a while that routine changes, and as you gain a different level of comfort with your partner, you start to search for more comfort in bed.
When you reach that glorious time in your relationship where you feel comfy enough to retreat to your own side of the bed and actually regain your interest in sleeping, other things begin to happen that prevent a great night’s sleep. Your one giant comforter somehow becomes the size of hand towel once the lights are out. You spend the night wrestling for a corner of that blanket in order to regain your warmth and sleep. Not an ideal situation.
So I pose the idea of two blankets. You’ve heard how important sleep is, right? I’ll save you the statistics, but we Americans aren’t doing so hot at catching all the zzz’s we need. You and your honey might also have very different opinions regarding temperature. One of you is always cold, and the other is like a furnace, and that one blanket you’re trying to share is probably not meeting both your needs. Get what feels lovely to you, and let your partner pick out their own blanket that equals perfection to them.
You may be wondering if this two-blanket concept hinders connection, and as a therapist who focuses on ways to bring couples together, I have to say no. Nothing makes for better connection than being well rested. When you experience that deep, uninterrupted sleep, even if you aren’t a morning person, you’ll be more apt to dole out the love instead of a dirty look because you didn’t spend the night in a wrestling match.
Get a second blanket, and designate it your own, snuggle before you’re too tired, and retreat to your side after you’ve spent some time savoring those precious moments together, and resolve to wake up feeling better and more rested. You’ll then be able to focus on more important things like talking back to your partner when they talk in their sleep – or maybe that’s just me ;)
If you’ve got more than just a blanket issue that’s keeping you up at night, and are looking for more support navigating this whole relationship thing, I’d love to help. You can call me at (909) 226-6124 for a free phone consultation and we can talk about ways that couple’s therapy might benefit you and your partner. If you haven’t already, check out my friend Robyn D’Angelo’s new website. She’s got some amazing videos and great stuff to help you create an epic relationship!