What to Expect During a 3-Day Affair Recovery Intensive

If you’re thinking about a 3-day affair recovery intensive in California, you might be wondering: What on earth are we going to talk about for three full days?? I completely understand the hesitation—this is a big investment of time, energy, and money. Your relationship is on the line, and it may feel like one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. That’s why I’m breaking down what actually happens in a 3-day affair recovery intensive, so you know what to expect and can move forward with confidence.

A typical format for my affair recovery intensives in California includes 4 hours of meeting time each day for 3 days. While every intensive is different because I tailor it specifically for each couple based on their needs and goals, the basic outline is always similar.

Day 1: Creating Safety and Stability

Since the affair has come to light, you and your partner have been having some difficult and emotionally charged conversations. You’re likely stuck in patterns that aren't serving you. They are the patterns that lead to yelling, shutting down, and feeling like you’re not being heard or understood. Day 1 of the 3-day affair recovery intensive is about understanding your emotional reactions and tracking your conflict patterns so that discussions will begin to feel productive.

I begin with outlining your goals for the intensive and then I use an assessment to help us understand the thoughts that are particularly triggering to you and your partner. This tool is important because we will return to it on the last day of your intensive and you will be able to see the growth and changes that have occurred during our time together.

I also introduce the Brainspotting process, which will be used to help you feel a sense of safety within yourself and with your partner. This helps to set the stage for the open dialogue that needs to happen as we move forward in the next two days.

Day 2: Processing the Betrayal

Day 2 of your affair recovery intensive in California is about processing the betrayal from a clear and grounded place. We address many of the questions that you may have if you have been the partner who was betrayed. You have likely already asked many questions and might find yourself asking the same questions over and over again as you try to make sense of what’s happened. While this is a typical pattern for couples in your position, it is also draining. I will help you discern and understand the need behind your questions so the conversation is fruitful.

I also slow things down and continue to identify patterns that are keeping you stuck. I allow space for you and your partner to pause, and I use various interventions to help you each understand your core attachment wounds that are being triggered by the affair and by your partner. Doing these interventions will allow you to have more capacity to hear your partner and to speak from your heart so they can understand you in a deeper way.

During day 2, we also begin to understand the patterns that have existed in the relationship that led to the affair.

Day 3: Reconnection and Moving Forward

On Day 3 of the intensive, we focus on rebuilding trust. One of the reasons these 3-day affair recovery intensives in California are so effective is because simply being present as your partner uncovers their core attachment wounds helps strengthen your bond. By holding space for those intimate, vulnerable conversations, you create new opportunities to support and reconnect with each other.

We also focus on making agreements that are necessary to help you feel connected and supported going forward. I help you identify practices that will help you continue healing in a healthy way. We also revisit your assessment from day 1 so you can see the progress you have each made individually and as a couple through our work together.

The Benefits of a 3-Day Affair Recovery Intensive in California

In their final assessment, most couples have a significant shift in the way they feel. They find they are sleeping better, they have fewer ruminating thoughts and less anxiety, they feel a sense of connection with one another—despite having had some really difficult conversations—and they feel more regulated and able to continue moving forward.

How Preparation Sessions Support the 3-Day Intensive

In order to dive right into this three-day process, you will begin with an initial consultation and a couple of prep sessions. The initial consultation session is typically done online with both you and your partner—we discuss your goals, your relationship history, and briefly go over your conflict pattern.

I also meet individually with each partner prior to the intensive. This allows me to better understand your personal history, including any past trauma, as well as your unique concerns, perspectives, and needs in the relationship. These one-on-one sessions help ensure that both partners feel fully seen and supported, and they give me important insight into how to guide you as a couple through the healing process.

Begin Your Healing Journey

Walking into a 3-day affair recovery intensive in California can feel overwhelming at first—but knowing what to expect brings comfort and clarity. Over the course of those three days, you’ll move from the raw pain of betrayal toward deeper understanding, guided conversations, and the beginnings of rebuilding trust.

👉 If you’d like a deeper look at how intensives work and why they’re so effective, check out The Ultimate Guide to Affair Recovery Intensives. And if you’re ready to begin your own healing journey, click here to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward your 3-day affair recovery intensive California couples experience.

The Ultimate Guide to Affair Recovery Intensives in California: How Intensive Couples Therapy Helps Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

The pain that a couple goes through when recovering from infidelity is excruciating. It is not just painful for the partner who has been betrayed, there’s also an incredible amount of pain on the side of the person who has strayed. The betrayal, broken trust, and emotional fallout often leave partners wondering if healing is even possible. While weekly counseling can help, many couples find that the depth of the wound requires more than one hour at a time.

There is a roller coaster of emotions that come along with the process of infidelity recovery. There is the initial shock, anger, sadness, and mourning of the old relationship that all happen simultaneously, and then all over again. It is a ride that most people do not want to be strapped into, and I’m so sorry that you’re here because this is likely what you’re going through. But you are also here because there is a part of you that believes you can heal and that your relationship can be salvaged. I believe that too.

Healing is absolutely possible, and with the right help, it can happen more quickly and with the focus and depth it truly requires. With all of the intense emotions you’re feeling at this time, it may be difficult to see all of your blind spots and to create a plan of recovery on your own.

After infidelity, you may be unsure about how to begin the healing process. You or your partner might make promises that things will be different and then try to sweep it under the rug in hopes that not talking about it will help you heal. Couples who do this tend to find themselves right back in the same place weeks or months later because the pain is just too big and loud. Affair recovery intensives offer a unique and focused path for true healing and moving forward.

What Is an Affair Recovery Intensive?

Defining Intensive Couples Therapy

A couples therapy intensive is a focused amount of time used to work on specific issues. In my practice I do intensives ranging from 4-hours to 16-hours, broken up into 1, 3 or 4 days. The idea behind doing these intensives came to me at the beginning of my career when I noticed that I just kept running out of time in my weekly sessions. Affair recovery brings up so many emotions and important conversations, and I felt I was doing my clients a disservice by either cutting sessions short or avoiding discussions altogether because the clock was running out.

Now I see couples for four hours each day, for three or four consecutive days in a row. Spending this focused amount of time together will provide you with the structure and focused attention you need to have necessary but difficult conversations in a way that feels safe, productive, and healing.

Intensives vs. Traditional Couples Therapy

The typical 50-minute therapy session was thought up by insurance companies. This is what they have deemed an appropriate amount of time a person needs with a therapist no matter what their presenting issue is and it is typically the only type of session they will provide reimbursement for.

A typical 50-minute couples therapy session goes like this: you spend 10-15 minutes catching up or revisiting a topic from the previous week, then 15-20 minutes getting into a topic of focus, and the remaining 15-20 minutes is used for an intervention of some kind. These interventions are used to help process the pain or difficult topic and are an integral part of the therapeutic process. The remaining few minutes are used to get regulated and confirm the next session date and time, and then the couple is up and out of the office.

After discovering your partner’s affair, you may find yourself crying alone in the car or trying to keep your voices down while having late-night conversations after the kids are asleep. Hiding your pain from friends and family can feel necessary, but this secrecy—and the limited time to process together—only delays healing. The structure and increased amount of time offered in an affair recovery intensive is incredibly valuable in the recovery process.

Intensive couples therapy gives you the ability to talk honestly and openly. You can fully process your pain and there is ample time for important interventions that can’t come to fruition when time is constrained in a shorter weekly session or when trying to have hushed conversations on your own.

Why Choose an Intensive After Infidelity?

The Urgency of Healing After Betrayal

When you’ve discovered your partner has been unfaithful, or you’ve disclosed an infidelity to your partner, the immediate hours and days can be excruciatingly painful. If you are the partner who has been betrayed, I know you are reeling from this discovery. You’re asking the same questions over and over as your nervous system works through the shock. The life you thought you had is no longer, and this is an overwhelmingly emotional period.

If you are the one who strayed and your partner has discovered your infidelity, I know that this is also an incredibly painful experience for you. You never meant for this to happen and it kills you to see the pain you’ve caused for your partner. The shame you feel is overwhelming and can cause you to fumble with the right words to say. You desperately want to soothe your partner’s pain, but without clear instructions on how to do so you will unknowingly delay your healing.

No matter which partner you are—the betrayed or the partner who strayed—deciding to work through this takes courage, dedication and commitment. Recovery is a long process, but with the right help and guidance it does not have to last the remainder of your lives together.

The Phases of Recovery

In Dr. John Gottman’s research, there are three phases to the affair recovery process, beginning with the Atonement Phase. In this phase you and your partner have conversations about what happened and if you are the partner who strayed, you will take responsibility and express sincere remorse. This initial phase is also about developing transparency and making agreements about how to do so. This is often the phase with the most difficult and emotionally charged conversations. Without appropriate guidance this phase can take much longer than necessary and be the most painful part of the process.

Next is the Attunement Phase where you and your partner will begin to rebuild trust and safety. In this phase we work on reestablishing emotional intimacy and connection. This is often the longest phase of the process because you will be taking time to reflect on the relationship in its entirety.

The last phase is the Attachment Phase where trust is reestablished. In this phase you will gain a renewed sense of commitment as well as a deeper emotional connection because of all that’s been shared in the previous two phases.

What to Expect in an Affair Recovery Intensive

Preparing for the Intensive

A phone consultation is the first step in reaching out for an affair recovery intensive. It helps me get to briefly know about you, the challenges you’re facing in your relationship, and your goals. Following this call, an intensive preparation session is booked to obtain background information and build a supportive working relationship.

Day 1 – Developing Safety

When you come in on the first day of your affair recovery intensive it’s normal to be incredibly nervous. Today is about honoring and validating those feelings while creating safety within your nervous system. We use tools like Brainspotting to help you feel more calm and grounded before moving into the hard conversations.

Day 2 – Rebuilding Foundations

Once safety is established, we begin processing the betrayal. We talk through questions the betrayed partner may have, reestablish boundaries, and work on communication patterns. Couples learn to look inward for regulation, while partners witness and support one another’s healing, building intimacy and trust.

Day 3 – Reconnection and Next Steps

On day three, couples explore the deeper “why” of the affair, begin addressing resentments, and create agreements for a stronger relationship moving forward. This final day is about reconnection, solidifying new understandings, and practicing the tools you’ll carry beyond the therapy room.

The Healing Power of Couples Therapy After Infidelity

Processing the emotions that come with discovering and working through an affair is overwhelming. An affair recovery intensive provides the time and safe space to work through them in a meaningful way. Forgiveness and reconciliation are explored at your pace, and attachment wounds are addressed so healing runs deep, not just surface-level.

I often tell couples that healing from an affair is much like healing from a physical wound: painful at first, but with the right care, the wound closes, strength returns, and eventually you’re left only with a scar—a reminder, but no longer raw pain.

Affair Recovery Intensives vs. Couples Retreats

While couples retreats may provide relaxation and reconnection, they are not designed for the deep repair that infidelity requires. Intensives are clinical, focused, and structured to address betrayal directly, helping couples move forward with clarity.

Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

One of the most common fears couples have is whether they can ever return to “normal.” In reality, most couples discover they don’t want the old normal back—they want something better.

I have walked with many couples who thought survival was impossible, only to emerge with renewed intimacy, connection, and trust. Others come to see that parting ways is the healthiest choice. Either way, intensives provide clarity, healing, and the tools for moving forward.

Finding the Right Intensive Couples Therapist in California

Choosing the right therapist is deeply personal. Look for a specialist in infidelity recovery, a licensed professional (LMFT, LCSW, LPC), and someone trained in evidence-based, trauma-informed modalities. Most importantly, trust your intuition about whether you feel safe and supported with them.

Conclusion: Take the First Step Toward Healing

If you’re in the painful process of rebuilding your marriage after an affair, please know you don’t have to do it alone. Healing is absolutely possible with the right support.

I specialize in 3-day affair recovery intensives in Rancho Cucamonga, California—just minutes from Ontario International Airport and surrounded by convenient hotel options. Couples join me from Los Angeles, Orange County, across Southern California, and even from out of state.

Together, we’ll create a safe and structured space for the honest conversations and deep healing your relationship needs.

📞 Ready to take the first step? Schedule a free consultation call today to see if a 3-day affair recovery intensive is the right fit for you.

What a $240 Haircut Taught Me About Infidelity Recovery and Couples Therapy

I once got a $200 haircut.
Actually, it was $240 with tip.

No color, no fancy deep conditioning—just a cut and a style.

I have naturally curly hair, and I had spent months researching stylists who specialized in curls. I was finally ready to invest in someone who understood my hair type and could give me a cut that would help my curls look their very best.

But that’s not what I got.

This stylist marketed herself as a “curly hair expert” and listed all of her certifications and trainings on her website. I believed her. I was excited—after all, I had spent over a year learning how to care for my curls and wanted someone who could take it to the next level.

But the experience was a letdown.

She was condescending, overly technical, and critical of the products I was already using—even though they were working well for me. It was clear she wanted me to purchase products from her salon. But what disappointed me most was what happened when I asked her a simple question:

“How can I get the most volume possible?”

Her answer?
“I can’t tell you how to cut your hair.”

I was stunned.

I had come to an expert. I was paying a premium price for professional guidance. I didn’t want to guess—I wanted someone I could trust to show me the way.

And that moment reminded me so much of how couples often feel when they’re looking for help—especially when they’re trying to recover from infidelity.

When You’re Searching for Real Help After Infidelity

When couples come to therapy after an affair, they’re not just looking to talk—they’re looking for direction. They’re often exhausted, overwhelmed, and hurting. They’re asking questions like:

• Can we heal after infidelity?

• Is it possible to rebuild trust?

• How do we stop repeating the same painful cycles?

They don’t want vague encouragement or passive listening. They want infidelity recovery with a plan—a clear path forward from someone who’s been there with other couples and knows how to guide them through the pain.

That’s where couples therapy intensives come in.

Why I Don’t Just “Talk”—I Build a Framework for Change

In my work with couples—including high-achieving professionals and people facing the aftermath of betrayal—I don’t just sit back and ask how you feel. I assess. I ask the right questions to understand your story, your wounds, and your goals.

And then I do something many therapists hesitate to do: I create a real plan.

It’s tailored. It’s thoughtful. And it’s grounded in a framework that’s designed specifically for couples recovering from infidelity, trust issues, communication breakdowns, and emotional disconnection.

Therapists are often taught not to give advice—and that’s fair. I’m not here to tell you what to do with your life. But I will use my training and experience to tell you what I believe will help your relationship begin to heal, especially when trust has been broken.

Couples Therapy That Doesn’t Leave You Guessing

Infidelity recovery is not a one-size-fits-all process. That’s why my couples intensives in California begin with understanding where you’ve been and where you want to go. Then, together, we chart the steps forward.

✅ You’ll leave with clarity.
✅ You’ll have a strategy to repair your relationship.
✅ And you’ll feel supported—not judged, rushed, or left in the dark.

If you’re ready to invest in your relationship and work with someone who can give you compassionate, honest guidance during one of the hardest seasons of your life—I’d love to help.

Let’s rebuild trust together.

👉 Click here to schedule your couples intensive or consultation.
Let’s create a path forward that’s rooted in hope, clarity, and real change.

Navigating Anger After an Affair: Why It’s Essential in the Healing Process

If you’ve recently discovered your partner’s affair, the emotional impact can feel absolutely devastating. First and foremost, I want to say: I’m so sorry. The wave of emotions you're experiencing—sadness, fear, confusion, and yes, anger—are not only valid, they’re a completely normal part of the process.

Many couples who come to me for affair recovery intensives are surprised by the depth of their emotional reactions. Often, the one emotion that feels the most overwhelming—and the most taboo—is anger.

But here’s the truth: anger has a place in the healing process. It’s not only normal, it’s necessary.

Why Anger After an Affair Makes Sense

When we experience betrayal, anger is often our psyche’s way of saying, “This is not okay. Something must change.”

Whether you’ve seen unhealthy expressions of anger in your past—like rage, violence, or passive-aggression—or you’ve been taught to suppress it entirely, many of us carry unhealthy beliefs about what it means to feel or show anger. Especially for women, anger can be labeled as "irrational" or "crazy," leading people to fear the emotion itself.

But anger is not the problem. What you do with your anger is what matters.

In couples therapy for high performing individuals, I often help clients reframe anger as a signal, not a threat. It tells us when boundaries have been crossed, when a pattern must change, or when a part of ourselves needs to be acknowledged. In the context of couples therapy and intensives for couples, we create space for anger to be expressed in a healthy, constructive way.

Unhealthy vs. Healthy Anger

It’s true that some expressions of anger—like yelling, throwing things, or slamming doors—might feel cathartic in the moment, but they usually lead to regret and further disconnect. That doesn’t mean anger itself is wrong. It means we need tools to express it differently.

In my affair recovery intensives and couples retreats in CA, I help couples navigate this often-volatile emotion. We explore:

• What the anger is trying to communicate

• How it can lead to healthy boundaries

• Why honoring anger can create movement toward healing

And most importantly, how to express it in a way that leads to reconnection rather than rupture.

Anger as a Catalyst for Change

Anger is not always a sign that the relationship is over. In fact, it can be the very thing that wakes us up to the reality that something must shift. It can be the beginning of a new conversation, one where both partners learn to listen more deeply and speak more honestly.

If you’re struggling with anger after infidelity, know that you don’t have to process it alone. An intensive for couples offers the time, space, and structure needed to dive into difficult emotions like anger without fear of judgment. These intensives are designed to help high-achieving, driven individuals and couples find clarity, healing, and direction—especially when traditional weekly therapy just isn’t enough.

Ready to Begin Healing?

If anger feels scary, overwhelming, or out of control, you’re not broken. You're human.

Let’s work together to create a space where that anger can be heard, understood, and transformed. Whether you're considering an affair recovery intensive, a couples retreat in California, or focused couples therapy tailored for high performers—I’m here to help guide you through it.

💬 Reach out to schedule a consultation. Your healing deserves dedicated time and care.

Are You Actually Ready for Change in Your Relationship?

In my work with couples, I see two kinds of people walk into the therapy room.

There are those who are ready—truly ready—for change. They’re fed up with how things have been. They’ve hit an emotional breaking point and know, deep down, that something must shift. Whether they’re navigating the aftermath of infidelity, constant conflict, or a slow drift into disconnection, these individuals show up with open hearts, willing to do the hard work to rebuild intimacy and trust.

Then, there are others who are physically present but emotionally unprepared. Sometimes they’ve been urged by a partner to attend. Sometimes they’re going through the motions, hoping that simply showing up will be enough. But here’s the truth: meaningful change in couples counseling doesn’t happen passively. Just being in the room doesn’t create transformation—doing the work does.

Therapy Isn't Magic—But the Right Kind of Work Can Feel Magical

As a therapist specializing in couples intensives, trauma therapy for couples, and infidelity recovery, I can tell you that the couples who experience real breakthroughs are the ones who commit to full engagement. They reflect honestly, listen deeply, and take ownership of their patterns—without blaming, avoiding, or checking out.

These sessions often feel like pure gold. There's energy, momentum, and connection. When both partners are willing to show up, even the most deeply rooted issues can begin to shift.

Much of the work we do in therapy centers around identifying and disrupting reactive patterns—those moments where you and your partner get emotionally hijacked and fall into fight, flight, or shutdown. In session, I slow things way down so we can track what’s actually happening between you in real time. We examine the communication loop, highlight the nervous system responses, and unpack the stories you both tell yourselves about each other.

This process helps each partner understand what they’re bringing into the dynamic, and how they may unintentionally be keeping the conflict alive. Over time, this builds a deeper sense of empathy and shared responsibility for the relationship.

Why Intensives Work So Well

Traditional weekly therapy sessions often don’t give couples enough time to really dig in. That’s why I offer couples intensives and marriage retreats in California—because transformation takes time, space, and focused attention.

During a therapy intensive, we spend several hours together across multiple days, allowing us to bypass the stop-start nature of weekly sessions. This concentrated format is especially effective for high-performing individuals who are ready to get serious about change but don’t want to drag out the process over months or years.

Whether you’re recovering from betrayal, stuck in chronic conflict, or simply feeling emotionally distant, couples intensives create a safe and structured space to rebuild trust, restore connection, and learn new ways of relating.

If You're Truly Ready, Let's Begin

Real healing starts when you decide to stop pointing fingers and start turning inward.

If you're ready for lasting change, ready to finally feel seen and understood in your relationship, and ready to do the kind of work that leads to transformation—then I invite you to reach out.

Book a free consultation today to explore if a couples intensive or marriage retreat in California is right for you.

Together, we’ll do the deep, focused work that can bring your relationship back to life.