Are you dating a commitment-phobe?
Commitment can be tough for some, and past hurts can hinder people's ability to create new, lasting, committed relationships.
But how can you tell if the person you're dating is totally averse to commitment? I'd like to share a few signs you shouldn't ignore when trying to decipher commitment cues.
1. You're left in the dark about the status of your relationship.
If you've been dating for more than 6 months, and by dating I mean actual dating - going out to various dinners, events, etc. and having the occasional sleep-over, but the person does not seem hip to the idea of exclusivity and rarely mentions the status of your relationship this may be a sign they are having trouble committing.
Not having at least one discussion about relationship status and exclusivity can leave you wondering if you're the only one, and as though your relationship isn't a priority.
2. Their "future language" does not include you, or anyone else for that matter.
When people see themselves as having the ability to commit in a relationship they often talk about the future, and this language will include their partner or person they're dating.
They will say things like, "we" and "us" or even "future husband/wife" and they talk in ways that indicate they see themselves with a significant other in the future.
3. They haven't had committed relationships in the past.
Asking about this may seem a little off-putting if it's done too soon, but a casual conversation in which you ask about past relationships is pretty standard when you are a newly dating couple. Asking questions about the length of past relationships without asking all of the gory details can be helpful.
If the person's response does not indicate that they've had any relationships longer than a few months, it may be a sign they are challenged in the commitment department.
4. They are unable to keep other commitments in their life.
People who are unable to have long-term friendships, jobs, and social commitments such as playing on a sports team or being part of a club might have difficulty committing in a romantic relationship.
If they have analysis paralysis when it comes to smaller commitments such as what movie to see, what car to rent, or hotel to stay in, and making decisions about those things is a long and overly drawn out process, this may be a sign that commitment is difficult for them.
If they hop from place to place, friend to friend, and job to job, without truly investing the time in creating stability it may be a sign that a long-term relationship isn't on their radar.
5. They aren't creating space for you in their life.
If the person you're dating isn't introducing you to their friends, family, and other significant people in their life, this can be a sign that they aren't ready to go public with the relationship, and might not be ready for commitment.
In the same vein, if they are unable to break up their daily routine in order to spend quality time with you, they aren't creating the space necessary to have a committed relationship.
While it's unrealistic to expect that someone you are newly dating is going to rearrange their whole life for you, there has to be a balance, and while they may very well be busy with work deadlines and gym sessions, total inability to include you in their schedule isn't a positive sign in terms of their ability to commit.
Having a direct conversation about the status of your relationship is always recommended. Being open and honest about how you see the relationship going, and asking about their feelings can assure you are on the right track.