Feeling More Like Roommates Than Partners? Here’s How to Reconnect

Couples Counseling Rancho Cucamonga, CA | Couples Therapy | Marriage Counseling

Do you and your partner feel more like roommates than lovers? If your relationship has shifted from passion and connection to simply coexisting, you’re not alone. Many couples experience this slow drift as life’s responsibilities take over. The good news? You can rebuild intimacy and strengthen your bond with intentional effort.

The Silent Drift: When Life Takes Over Your Relationship

Before kids, demanding careers, and endless to-do lists, spending time together felt effortless. You naturally enjoyed each other’s company, stayed up late talking, and made each other a priority. But over time, your conversations may have become more about schedules and responsibilities than love and connection.

Simply being in the same house every night isn’t enough. Sitting next to each other on the couch, scrolling through separate screens, or managing household duties side by side doesn’t replace real intimacy. If you feel like you’ve become more like roommates than romantic partners, it’s time to make a change.

Reconnecting: More Than Just a Date Night

As a couples therapist, I know that one of the most common recommendations is having a regular date night—but let’s be real. That advice often gets ignored because it seems too simple or too difficult to execute.

If you’ve been avoiding date nights because of time, money, or exhaustion, let’s shift the focus. Reconnecting doesn’t have to be expensive, complicated, or even at night. Here are some realistic, modern ways to prioritize your relationship:

1. Daily Check-ins

Take five minutes every day to ask each other meaningful questions. Not just “How was your day?” but “What’s something that made you happy today?” or “Is there anything on your mind that we haven’t talked about?” Small, intentional moments of emotional connection add up over time.

2. Screen-Free Connection Time

Dedicate one evening a week where you put your phones away, turn off the TV, and focus on each other. Cook a meal together, play a game, or sit outside and just talk.

3. Change Up Your Routine

If planning a big date night feels overwhelming, keep it simple! Try grabbing coffee together before work, taking a lunch break together, or going on a morning walk. The key is prioritizing connection—not just scheduling time.

4. Get Out of the House (Even for 30 Minutes!)

Sometimes, a change of scenery makes all the difference. Go for a drive, explore a local park, or watch the sunset together. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate outing—just intentional time away from distractions.

5. Bring Back the Fun

Laughter is a powerful way to reignite connection. Watch a comedy special, play a game, or try something fun together—like an escape room, a cooking class, or even karaoke at home.

6. Prioritize Physical Affection

Hug more. Hold hands. Kiss hello and goodbye. Physical touch strengthens emotional intimacy, even if it’s just a 10-second hug before heading out the door.

7. Schedule Uninterrupted Time Together

If you have kids, consider swapping babysitting duties with friends or scheduling an at-home date after bedtime. Even if it’s just one hour of distraction-free time, it reinforces that your relationship is a priority.

When You Need More Than a Date Night: Couples Therapy Can Help

Reconnecting as a couple isn’t just about spending more time together—it’s about addressing deeper patterns that may be causing disconnection. If you’re feeling distant, stuck in repetitive arguments, or unsure how to rebuild intimacy, couples therapy or marriage counseling can help.

💡 Ready to get to the root of your disconnection?

Let’s work together to rebuild your bond and strengthen your relationship. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation for couples counseling in Rancho Cucamonga, CA. Your relationship deserves the time and attention to thrive!

The Truth about Happiness

“ I just want to be happy…” 

This is a quote I can take from any number of clients I’ve worked with over the years. My follow-up question to this is typically, “but what does happiness mean to you?” 

Happiness has different meanings for everyone. 

To me, happiness is many things: it’s watching my children create and get in flow while they listen to music. It’s taking a dip in the pool after a long, hot day. Happiness is cuddling and laughing at silly inside jokes with my husband after we’ve put the kids to bed. It’s sitting on the beach on a warm summer day, watching my family enjoy the sand and water. 

Happiness is an emotion just like the rest of the emotions you feel in your body. Happiness is triggered by various moments, people, and connections.

But just like sadness, happiness is fleeting and doesn’t last forever. 

Our culture focuses a lot on happiness and capitalism teaches us that with the purchase of a product, you too can experience the joy and happiness displayed by the actors in that TV commercial. 

Our culture also teaches us that we can create happiness through achievement. Once you get that promotion, that degree, that license, you'll be comfortable and happy. 

The truth is: none of those things will actually make you happy. They may trigger happiness in that brief moment, but it will soon fade and become your new normal. You’ll still wake up and have to deal with the same issues you had the day before you received that piece of paper. 

Most people chase happiness because they have the misconception that it is a constant state. But you can never be happy all of the time, because without the dark there can be no light. 

Therapy won’t make you happy. 

Working through your relationship issues and trauma won’t make you happy. 

What it will do is give you more capacity to feel happiness in those little moments that matter most. 

Therapy teaches you how to sit with the hard emotions and ask what they have to teach you. A good therapist will show you that even in your darkness and pain, you can still be loved and accepted. 

When you learn to welcome the waves of anger, grief, and pain in the same way you welcome happiness, you learn to love yourself more wholly and find true acceptance of yourself. 

Self-acceptance and self-love may be what you’re actually looking for.

What brings you happiness? Hit reply and share with me, I love hearing from you! 

If you realize you don’t have the capacity in your life to experience happiness, click the link below and schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation. We can't wait to help you create more space in your life for happiness. 

Is a Couples Intensive what you really need this summer?

You know your relationship needs help. 

You know you’re tired of the fighting, the silence, the walking on eggshells. 

You’ve thought about calling for therapy so many times, you’ve clicked through and read everything on my website, but every time you think about booking your consultation you stop. 

You look at your calendar with all the upcoming events you have, and weekly therapy just never seems like a good idea. You don’t have a day every week to devote to the process even though you are SO ready. 

You’re ready for things to change. 

You’re ready to start feeling heard. 

You’re ready to dig deep but you’re also afraid that the process of healing your marriage will take a really long time. 

I get it. I too hate how freaking long healing can take. 

I love my clients and the work we do together, but the truth is: this model hasn’t been working for me either. 

The standard 50 minute sessions often go like this: 10 minutes to catch up and choose what we should work on, 30 minutes of work, an intervention, and intense emotion, 10 minutes to wrap up and summarize what was learned. 

I am so adamant about couples coming to see me on a weekly basis because there’s a lot to cover, and we can’t always wrap sessions up with a pretty bow. Sometimes you’ll have to sit in the discomfort of a cliff hanger until the next session. 

Healing attachment wounds, betrayals, and long-standing negative communication patterns takes hard work and dedication. It also takes consistency. 

Sometimes you just can’t get into the office once a week and that’s why I’ve started doing more intensive work with couples. 

I want you to reach your goals in a shorter period of time. 

Intensives are an accelerated form of therapy that help clients feel better faster. 

No more weekly appointments. No more watching the clock and trying to decide if the issue you’d like to bring up can be covered in the remaining 40 minutes of the session.   

These intensive sessions are so juicy and fruitful. There are no interruptions. No more starting and stopping until next week. 

You know that you’re ready to dig in and get uncomfortable, but rather than dragging it out week by week, for months, you can do it in two, 4 hour sessions or one, 8 hour session, once a month.  

Summer gets busy with travel and kids being out of school but that doesn’t mean that healing your relationship needs to remain on hold. 

Click the here to book your free phone consultation to find out how an intensive can work for you.

What does Ketamine feel Like?

If you’re considering trying Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP), one of the things you might be wondering is, what does it actually feel like when you are under the influence of the medicine? 

If you’ve never used any type of psychedelic drug recreationally then it’s difficult to have a frame of reference. 

You may have experiences with alcohol, but Ketamine is nothing like alcohol. 

Everyone’s experience is different and the same person can have very different experiences in each Ketamine journey. 

For most people Ketamine feels like a dream-like state. But most agree that they have more of a felt sense in their body than they would in a dream. 

The experience is also not as fleeting as a dream and it’s much easier to remember than a dream. 

There is often a point where people feel a disconnection from their body and an out-of-body experience. 

You might fear losing control. But unlike being under the influence of alcohol, there’s no slurring, telling of secrets, or uncontrollable or unwanted behaviors. 

KAP clients are safe and comfortable lying down with an eye mask and headphones throughout the experience. 

What makes KAP so different from recreational drug experiences is that you’re using the medicine in a controlled setting with the intention of healing. 

Over the last several months I’ve seen some of the most profound changes for clients using KAP as a part of their treatment. Things we’ve been working on for years are clicking, and there’s so much positive forward movement. 

It’s during these out of body experiences and in this dream-like state that many clients experience a feeling of freedom from their self-defeating thoughts and patterns. 

For the first time their minds are completely clear. There’s no questioning of their every move. They don’t have a to-do list, and they aren’t replaying difficult memories or feelings. 

For the first time ever, they can just be. And it’s unlike anything they’ve experienced before. 

Some people become connected to younger parts of themselves that have felt lost and disconnected, and this creates a profound sense of healing. 

Integration sessions following these dosing sessions help clients return to these states without the medicine in their day-to-day lives. 

This allows People to feel like they can let go and move on from traumatic events that have kept them stuck for so long. 

A recent New York Times Op-Doc was released and it depicts the use of KAP for a firefighter and it does a really great job of showing how a ketamine session actually looks. In the documentary they use an IV which is different from the lozenges that my clients are prescribed, but the depiction is very similar. You can watch it here, it’s only 17 minutes long. 

If this sounds like something you’d like to experience for yourself, click the link here and book your free 15-minute phone consultation.  

Should you go to bed angry?

Let's bust a big fat myth today…

I’m sure you’ve heard that the best way to have a great marriage is to never go to bed angry. 

It’s concerning to me that couples will literally stay up all night going around and around with the same argument because they are trying to stick to this rule. 

I dunno about you but that sounds like a one-way ticket to complete exhaustion and a week of trying to make up for lost sleep. 

This rule is damaging because it doesn’t take into account the amount of damage that can be done by continuing to fight when you’re dysregulated. It doesn’t take into account the quality of communication that you’re having. You could be yelling, throwing things, name calling, and giving the silent treatment.

When couples start working with us not only do they learn how to regulate their emotions, but they understand their body’s warning signals that tell them when they are starting to become dysregulated. 

They learn how to call time-outs and how to respect one another’s requests to stop.  They learn how to return to the conversation when they are feeling more in control of their emotions. 

Our couples learn how to have conflict and still feel connected and loving. 

They don’t turn into enemies and they actually come to agreements about the things they are fighting about. 

There’s no more pushing things under the rug, walking on eggshells, or silent treatment. 

If you want to stop having marathon fights and learn how to improve your communication…

Click HERE and book your free 15-minute phone consultation. We’ll get you started with a couples expert and help you stop the marathon fights that go nowhere.