12 Ways to Affair-proof your Marriage

In the craziness of your daily lives, it's common for couples to forget to give their marriage some TLC. You know, life gets busy, and we get caught up in the whirlwind. 

But here's the deal – taking care of your relationship is a big deal!

In my practice, I help couples recover from affairs and other trust violations. Part of the process is understanding how they got to the place where an affair was a possibility.

 I want to share the nitty-gritty stuff you can do to keep your marriage strong. We're talking about building a fortress against potential relationship hiccups and the devastation of infidelity. So here are 12 things you can do to affair-proof your marriage: 

 1. Make Your Marriage the #1 Priority:

Start by acknowledging that your marriage should be your top priority. Open a sincere conversation with your spouse. Discuss what you both can do to keep your relationship at the forefront of your lives.

 2. Nourish Your Relationship:

In the chaos of daily life, it's easy to let your spouse take a backseat. Take the initiative to ask your partner, "What do I need to do to help you feel that our marriage is our top priority?" Listen attentively and take action.

 3. Spend Quality Time Together:

Quality time is the glue that holds a marriage together. Regularly invest in activities that strengthen your connection. Build friendship and lay the foundation for intimacy and lasting love.

 4. Choose Your Battles Wisely:

Instead of constantly correcting or criticizing your spouse, focus on the positives. Acknowledge their efforts and strengths rather than fixating on perceived flaws. Remember, encouragement goes a long way.

 5. Give Each Other Breaks:

Grant your partner the space they need. It's essential to have time for individual pursuits and personal growth. It's also important to maintain a strong connection as a couple.

 6. Talk About What's in Your Heart:

Open and honest communication is the bedrock of any successful marriage. Share your thoughts, fears, and dreams with your spouse. Encourage them to do the same, fostering a deeper understanding and connection.

 7. Focus on the Positive:

Cultivate an environment of positivity in your marriage. Celebrate each other's successes, no matter how small. Express gratitude for the positive aspects of your relationship.

 8. Keep Sex and Passion Alive:

Intimacy is a vital component of a thriving marriage. Make a conscious effort to keep the spark alive. Do this by showing regular affection. Communicate often. Be open to exploring each other's desires.

 9. Make Yourself Happy:

Your individual happiness contributes to the well-being of your marriage. Pursue activities that bring you joy, and encourage your spouse to do the same. A happy individual is more likely to contribute positively to the relationship.

 10. Hang Out with Marriage-Friendly People:

Surround yourselves with couples who share similar values and commitment to their relationships. Positive influences can inspire and support your own journey.

 11. Commit to Lifelong Learning:

Marriage is an ever-evolving journey. Embrace the opportunity for personal and relational growth. Commit to learning from each other and adapting to the changes that life brings.

 12. Don't Forget to Date Each Other:

Keep the romance alive by continuing to date each other. Plan regular date nights to create shared memories. This will reinforce the romantic aspects of your relationship.

 If you read through this list and were able to identify 3 or more areas that you'd like to improve, we want to help! Click the link below to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation and get your relationship back on track with the right support. 

Avoiding Conflict in Marriage

Are you avoiding conflict in your marriage? 

The other day, my 6-year-old daughter asked me to do a craft with her. I had a whole list of to-dos that I wanted to get done that day, and I knew if I didn’t get started early, I’d never complete all the things on my list.

She begged and pleaded with me, and I gave in. We made an origami sword that she ended up being obsessed with. She said it made her feel so powerful.

I wish I could say it was a great activity and that it was totally worth pushing off my to-do list for.

But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

She asked me to do a craft WITH her, but I ended up doing it FOR her. She did some cutting and project management, but it was an involved process that included many folds, multiple papers, and a glue gun. It was not something she could have completed on her own.

I begrudgingly folded and glued, and even though she came with excitement and encouragement, I was resentful.

I felt the annoyance radiating through my body, and it didn’t allow me to show up with an open heart. I was short and uninterested. It wasn’t what she deserved. It wasn’t even her fault. It was mine.

I had said yes when I meant no. The entire project took maybe 30 minutes, but the entire time I was distracted thinking about what I needed to get done before we headed out on our camping trip the next day. I was grumpy and didn’t appreciate her enthusiasm and sweetness.

When it was finished, I totally regretted my withdrawn attitude.

That’s not how I want to show up in my relationship with her.

That’s not how any of us should show up in our relationships, but it’s how I see so many couples show up towards one another. When we say yes when we really mean no, it sets us up to feel resentment, and when we feel resentment, it impacts our mood and the way we approach the other person.

I was withdrawn with my daughter and unappreciative of her excitement.

How many times have you begrudgingly attended an event with your partner and looked for any reason not to have a good time? You might drag your feet and show up late or nitpick the food and criticize the company or even your partner. When we say yes when we mean no, it opens us up to act passive-aggressively, and that actually causes more issues in the long run.

So why do we do it?

Most people do it to avoid conflict.

They also do it to avoid disappointing their partner, and sometimes people do it because they are paying amends for something unrelated that’s happened in the relationship. If you feel like you have to go along with whatever your partner wants to do because you made a mistake in the past, then there’s really no amount of good deeds you can do to fix the situation.

You aren’t showing up authentically, and you’re doing a disservice to your partner and to the relationship. It’s usually a sign that you’re not addressing the issue by having open dialogue and saying all that needs to be said to move towards healing. Healing can come from doing your own inner work or working together as a couple.

If you’re ready to start 2024 with a fresh start and get everything out on the table, we’re here. Click the link below and sign up for a free 15-minute phone consultation with a therapist in Temecula, Rancho Cucamonga, online anywhere in California, or explore California couples retreats and intensives. Let's talk about the best way to help you reach your goals and strengthen your relationship.

Exploring Ketamine Therapy in Southern California: A Comprehensive Guide

Unlocking New Avenues for Mental Health in the Golden State

Southern California, renowned for its sunny beaches, is not immune to the challenges of depression, anxiety, and emotional trauma. In this blog post, we delve into the realm of Ketamine Therapy and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, guiding you to the resources you need for genuine healing.

Ketamine Therapy Clinics: A Glimpse into Immediate Relief

Ketamine Therapy vs. Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy: Understanding the Nuances

Ketamine clinics have become widespread in Southern California, promising relief from depression and anxiety. However, without proper therapy and integration, the transformative potential of the experience may fall short. Yale University studies affirm the immediate alleviation of symptoms post-Ketamine Therapy.

Demystifying Ketamine Therapy: The Treatment Process Unveiled

The Journey Within: Navigating Ketamine Therapy

In a Ketamine Therapy session, the drug is administered intravenously, as a lozenge, or via nasal spray in a clinic setting. The immediate effects, lasting 1-2 hours, provide a temporary uplift in mood and psychedelic experience. However, sustained benefits necessitate proper integration, a crucial step that is often overlooked.

Integration: Anchoring the Experience for Lasting Change

Integration is the key to translating Ketamine Therapy benefits into daily life. Integration is an important process in making the experience meaningful, anchoring it in the brain and body for lasting effects.

Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP): Elevating the Experience

Beyond the Drug: The Holistic Approach of KAP

Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) offers a profound therapeutic relationship with a psychotherapist alongside the drug experience. Learn the essential questions to ask when seeking KAP, ensuring a tailored and supportive journey.

Choosing the Right Path: Questions to Ask Your KAP Provider

Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) is a very different experience. It is done within the context of a therapeutic relationship and is so much more than just receiving the ketamine. 

When looking for Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy you should ask the following questions of the clinic or practice you are researching:

Finding the Right Fit: Choosing Your KAP Practitioner

1. What is the process for determining whether or not me and the therapist will be a good fit?

Most Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapists allow potential clients to have a free phone consultation where they can determine what you’re looking for help with, explain their fees, and process, and answer any questions you may have. 

Following the phone consultation there should be an intake process where the therapist collects background information and works collaboratively to help you establish goals for treatment. This process can take 1-5 sessions depending on the therapist’s preference. 

I always recommend taking a longer time to onboard and establish a good working relationship prior to the first Ketamine journey. This helps to create a bond and feelings of trust and safety. 

2. How will the Ketamine be administered?

There are a few different forms of Ketamine - nasal spray, lozenge, and IV. You’ll want to know which form you’ll be taking in order to plan for the experience. The length of time you will feel the effects of ketamine is dependent on the form and way it is administered. 

3. What is the process for obtaining the Ketamine? 

If you are looking for a fuller experience like Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, then you will want to know about the relationship the therapist has with a prescribing physician or medical team and what the process is for obtaining a prescription. 

Integration Matters: Crafting a Lasting Impact

4. What is the integration process like? 

There are varying degrees of integration, and some Ketamine therapy offers no integration. If you are looking for a fuller experience that will produce lasting effects I’d recommend Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy. You will want to know how many sessions you’ll be doing pre and post journey and any other methods the therapist uses to assist with a fuller integrations process such as Brainspotting, EMDR, or Internal Family Systems. 

Navigating the Southern California Landscape: Your Ketamine Journey Awaits

Seeking Guidance? Connect with Us!

If you're still navigating the world of Ketamine Therapy in Southern California, call us at (909) 600-0306 for a free 15-minute consultation. We're here to understand your needs and guide you toward the right resources. Learn more about our Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy services and how we can support you on your healing journey here.

Navigating Matthew Perry's Tragic Incident: Debunking Media Sensationalism

Analyzing the Circumstances: Accurate Information Amidst Sensationalism

Over the weekend, various media outlets reported the unfortunate passing of Matthew Perry, attributing it to the acute effects of ketamine. In the midst of mourning, it is crucial to sift through the sensationalism often presented for clickbait and ratings, ensuring accurate information reaches the public.

Matthew Perry's Ketamine Infusion Treatments: Setting the Record Straight

Understanding the Treatment Journey: Ketamine Infusion Insights

Contrary to initial reports, Matthew Perry was undergoing ketamine infusion treatments, likely administered in a Los Angeles clinic. However, critical details emerge when examining the reported ketamine levels in his system, suggesting an "anesthetic level" that demands closer scrutiny.

Deciphering "Anesthetic Level": Unveiling the Truth About Ketamine's Effects

The Critical Distinction: Unpacking the Anesthetic Level

Matthew Perry was said to have been receiving ketamine infusion treatments from a clinic, likely in Los Angeles. 

However, the amount of ketamine that was reported to have been found in his system was reported to be an “anesthetic level.”

An anesthetic level means simply that you are anesthetized and will not be able to deal consciously with circumstances. Ketamine takes a bit of time to have its effect—seconds to minutes—sufficient time to make a mistake and then subsequently become unconscious.

Matthew likely procured ketamine illegally as the timeline between his last treatment and his death do not align. He used an anesthetic level of the drug and then tragically got into a hot tub.

Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP): A Ray of Hope Amidst Tragedy

The Transformative Potential: KAP as a Mental Health Treatment

Despite this tragic incident, there is substantial evidence supporting Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) as a transformative and life-changing treatment for mental health conditions. This section emphasizes the importance of delivering KAP safely and responsibly, within a therapeutic container supervised by licensed professionals.

Ensuring Client Safety: The Collaborative Approach with Journey Clinical

Journey Clinical has developed a collaborative care model to prioritize improving clinical outcomes with robust patient safety policies and procedures to ensure the highest standard of care and reduce the likelihood of potential negative outcomes and adverse events. 

As stated in their patient safety policies and procedures, Journey Clinical’s approach to care includes:

• KAP is done solely in the context of a therapeutic alliance between patients and trained, licensed mental health professionals supported by an entire team of highly trained and experienced medical professionals.

• During Journey Clinical's rigorous intake process, they clearly communicate the potential risks and side effects of the drug. In addition, their medical team screens for patient medical history (including substance abuse) to make informed decisions on their eligibility for KAP.

• Finally, the requirement to book a follow-up consultation to receive a new prescription is designed to ensure compliance with our KAP protocols.

As such, 93% of Journey Clinical patients who have seen our prescribers three times to date have seen improvements in their outcomes.

I remain very confident in Journey Clinical's collaborative care model, protocols, policies, and procedures. I encourage you to read their commitment to patient safety here: https://www.journeyclinical.com/ourpatientcommitment/. If you have any additional questions or concerns about this matter, I encourage you to email me at any time.

FAQs about Marriage Counseling in Rancho Cucamonga

Living in or around #RanchoCucamonga is wonderful, there’s so much to see and do in Rancho Cucamonga and the surrounding areas. There is also fantastic shopping and some of the best business in Rancho Cucamonga. But what happens when you and your spouse can’t enjoy all of what the city has to offer because you keep getting into the same ruts in your marriage?

When you know it’s time to see a marriage counselor, you probably begin by googling Marriage Counseling in Rancho Cucamonga, and you will find some amazing marriage counselors in Rancho Cucamonga! But the next step isn’t always so clear. You probably have a ton of questions and that is totally normal. 

Not knowing what to ask can make you just stop in your tracks, but it doesn’t have to! I want you to get the best marriage counseling possible and know the answers to some of the most frequently asked questions to help you on your search. 

Here is a list of FAQs that I hear from most clients who call for marriage counseling. I’m including things from conversations we have in our first few sessions and also things I wish clients in my marriage counseling sessions knew about the work: 

Q. What is the fee for marriage counseling sessions? 

A. In my practice, the fee for each 60-minute individual or couples session is $195. The fee for each 90-minute Discernment Counseling session is $295. You will find a range of fees in the area based on length of sessions and the experience of the therapist. 

Q. How often should we come to marriage counseling sessions? 

A. We have found that therapy works best when clients come in weekly. By the time many clients come to therapy they are really ready for a change. Having weekly sessions helps to get the process started, and helps to gain some momentum. Many things can be happening on a daily basis, and having weekly sessions allows opportunity to discuss those things as they happen and leaves less time for things to fester. My therapists continually evaluate the way things are going, and when you begin to feel relief and goals are being met, your therapist will discuss when meetings can become less frequent - typically in the termination phase of therapy.

Some couples prefer to come to marriage counseling every other week or less frequently. In my 16 years of practice working with couples as a marriage counselor, I have found that when couples come in less frequently their sessions become catch-up sessions. They check in and talk about all the things that have gone on during the past two weeks and then we have only a short amount of time to get into the meat of the important learnings and practices that are really going to create lasting change and help the couple reach the goals they set at the beginning of marriage counseling. 

Q. How long should we continue to come to marriage counseling sessions? 

A. Each person and situation is different and most clients come to therapy for 8-20 sessions, but the length of treatment is always up to you and your therapist. The length of treatment is based on the amount of change you want to make, how deep you're hurt is, and how committed you are to making lasting change.

In my practice I tell couples to plan to be in marriage counseling for at least 6 months. This is not an arbitrary number - it is the length of time it takes couples to begin to see lasting change happen. It is about the time the start to understand what is under their behaviors and when they begin to look at their triggers and unresolved trauma. 

In the beginning, marriage counseling helps couples look at their issues from a behavioral standpoint and the satisfaction level increases because the couple is invested in doing the work and they feel hopeful about improving their marriage. They do their homework and show up to marriage counseling sessions and tend to be on their best behavior. But behavior change only lasts for so long and then the couple will find themselves engaging in some of their old patterns and things can feel a bit worse. 

This is the point where my staff and I guide our clients and encourage them to truly lean into the process of marriage counseling. This is the point where the magic happens! It is where we help couples understand why it is so difficult for them to implement the behavioral changes - it typically has to do with unresolved traumas and attachment wounds and when we begin diving into those couples can truly transform their marriages.   

Q. What if I want to use my insurance? 

A. We do our best to keep our work in marriage counseling separate from insurance companies. In doing so, we find that clients are able to better reach their goals, and make more progress in therapy. Oftentimes insurance companies dictate the amount of sessions that clients need, and how work should be completed.

We believe that these decisions should be made by the client and therapist. Insurance companies also require that we make a clinical mental health diagnosis, which we do not believe is necessary in order for marriage counseling to be effective. While we do not provide insurance billing, we can however provide you with a receipt which is accepted from some PPO insurances, and a reimbursement may be provided.

Not working with insurance gives clients the utmost choice and control over their healing process, and it gives us the ability to set lower fees, and to have more time to focus on clients, which is what we really love to do!

If you need to use your insurance, that is totally understandable. Just make sure that marriage counseling is something that is covered directly by your insurance plan by calling them first and then asking them to send you a list of providers who take your particular insurance plan. That way there are no surprises once you get in to see the marriage counselor. 

I hope this helps you find the right marriage counselor in Rancho Cucamonga. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call us at (909) 600-0306 for a free 15 minute phone consultation. We’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with marriage counseling, you can schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation here.