When Good People Cheat: The Unmet Needs Affair

“I never meant for this to happen,” is what I typically hear when I sit down with someone who has been unfaithful to their partner.

I genuinely believe them when they tell me this because doing this work, I’ve heard from plenty of partners who have strayed in some fashion, and this is a common thread. They are good people, and they’ve made a mistake, and it’s not my job to judge, but to help them understand what lead to their behaviors so that they can prevent it from happening again.

There are many types of affairs. The most common one that I see is what Mira Kirchenbaum calls, the “unmet needs” affair. In her book, When Good People have Affairs, she outlines many types of affairs and I often recommend her book to clients who have or are having an affair because it can really help them understand their behaviors better, in conjunction with the work we do in session.

The unmet needs affair happens when you feel as though there is something missing in your relationship with your partner.

It could be sex, intimacy, or intelligent conversation. But focusing on one aspect of the relationship that is missing is a trap, and many times people only come to realize what they’ve been missing after they’ve already crossed the line.

When you look outside of your relationship for that one unmet need, you are essentially negating all of the many other positive aspects that likely exist in your relationship.

A whole, healthy, relationship only includes sex or conversation as a very small piece that makes up the relationship, however the trap occurs when you begin to see this piece as a gaping hole – it has the potential to become everything, and with the help of an affair partner, you begin to negate the many other positive aspects that you once based your relationship on.

Getting involved with someone else in order to fulfill this unmet need is typically clouded by the electrifying rush that happens in new relationships. It’s quite normal for people to see their affair partner as the most amazing person they’ve ever met, however an affair relationship is only a façade – it exists in a vacuum, and lacks much of the other important aspects that secure, long-term relationships need to survive.

Using another person to fulfill that one aspect that was missing from your marriage is fundamentally flawed because without fully knowing your affair partner, you are unable to see all of their true characteristics, as this relationship will also have missing aspects to it.

If you think back to the beginning of your marriage, I’m sure there were fireworks. Things in the beginning of relationships tend to be intense and full of passion.

I once read that falling in love has the same impact as a drug on the brain. It’s easy to become addicted to that feeling, and those intense emotions cloud your judgment.

The beginning of a relationship is when you go out of your way for that other person – you stay up all night talking even if you’ve got to be at work at 7am, you write silly love poems, and drive an hour both ways just to spend an hour in the arms of your love.

If you’re stuck in the difficult spot of having already crossed the line and engaged in an affair to fulfill a need that was lacking in your marriage, you’re not alone. I know that there is a great deal of shame and pain that comes from making that decision, but there is also support for you to right your wrongs.

Although the road is long and difficult, I’ve seen some wonderful things come from those who are willing to look at themselves, their decisions, and learn from their mistakes.

Affair Recovery: What an "Unmet Needs" Affair Does and Doesn't Mean About Your Marriage

Affair recovery is rarely as simple as people imagine. If you're on either side of an affair that developed around unmet emotional needs, it's easy to make quick, painful conclusions about what happened and what it means about your marriage.

"If I had just been more affectionate, this wouldn't have happened."

"If they really loved me, they never would have done this."

"This must mean our whole relationship was a lie."

These thoughts make sense. When betrayal enters a relationship, our minds immediately begin searching for certainty. We want a clear explanation for something that feels impossible to understand.

But unmet needs affairs usually don't begin with one catastrophic decision. More often, they develop slowly through countless small moments of disconnection, avoidance, loneliness, and conversations that never quite happen. They often reveal more about how two people learned to cope with pain and distance than they do about whether love ever existed between them.

None of this excuses the betrayal. The hurt is real. The shock, the nausea, the racing thoughts, the sleepless nights, and the feeling that your entire world has shifted beneath your feet are all real experiences. Understanding how an affair developed is not the same as minimizing it. Rather, it's the first step in meaningful affair recovery because it helps us understand what needs to change if healing is going to happen.

Many of the couples I work with discover that beneath the affair were years of conversations that felt too frightening to have, patterns of shutting down or becoming defensive during conflict, and differences in emotional or physical needs that neither partner knew how to express. When we slow the process down enough to understand these patterns, we begin to see the affair in context—not to remove responsibility from the partner who crossed the boundary, but to create a roadmap for rebuilding trust if both people choose to move forward.

Affair Recovery Begins by Understanding Why Affairs Feel So Intense

One of the reasons affair recovery feels so overwhelming is because affairs often create an emotional intensity that stands in stark contrast to everyday married life.

The secrecy, novelty, and feeling of being deeply seen in one particular way can feel intoxicating. The brain becomes flooded with chemicals that convince us we've finally found what has been missing. Meanwhile, long-term relationships are filled with mortgage payments, parenting responsibilities, work stress, household chores, and unresolved arguments that have quietly accumulated over time.

Side by side, the affair can begin to look like technicolor next to a black-and-white movie.

One of the greatest challenges in affair recovery is separating this neurochemical intensity from reality. The betrayed partner often concludes that the marriage must never have been real. The partner who had the affair may convince themselves they've finally found the relationship they were always meant to have. In reality, neither conclusion is usually the whole story.

Slowing the process down allows both partners to understand what happened without minimizing the betrayal or avoiding accountability. Healing begins when we stop asking only, "How could this happen?" and begin asking, "What made our relationship vulnerable, and what has to change if we choose to rebuild?"

Is Affair Recovery Possible After an Unmet Needs Affair?

This is the question I hear more than any other.

"Can our relationship actually survive this?"

There isn't one answer that fits every couple.

Some relationships do end after an affair. Others become more honest, emotionally connected, and intentional than they have ever been.

From my experience helping couples through affair recovery, healing becomes possible when the affair has truly ended, the partner who had the affair is willing to take full responsibility without defensiveness, the betrayed partner has space to experience their grief, anger, and questions, and both people become willing to honestly examine the relationship patterns that existed long before the betrayal occurred.

Successful affair recovery isn't about pretending nothing happened or forcing forgiveness before trust has been rebuilt. It is about creating enough safety for the truth to be spoken, understanding how the relationship arrived at this point, and building entirely new ways of communicating, connecting, and responding to one another.

This work is incredibly difficult to do alone. Most couples are trying to navigate overwhelming emotions while also fearing that every conversation could make things worse. That is often where therapy—and particularly therapy intensives—becomes invaluable.

When Weekly Therapy Feels Too Slow for Affair Recovery

For some couples, traditional weekly therapy provides exactly the support they need. But the more affair recovery work I do, the more I recognize how difficult it can be to create meaningful momentum within a 50-minute session.

Often, just as we begin reaching the heart of the issue, it's time to stop.

You leave emotionally raw, carrying difficult conversations back home with no therapist present to help you navigate the next six days. The same arguments continue. The same questions replay. Both partners remain flooded, desperately wanting relief but unsure how to create it together.

It can feel like trying to put out a house fire with a spray bottle.

Affair recovery often progresses much more quickly in couples therapy intensives because there is enough uninterrupted time to move beyond crisis management and begin real healing. Instead of stopping just as vulnerability begins to emerge, we have the time to stay with difficult conversations long enough for understanding, regulation, and repair to occur.

During an intensive, we are able to carefully slow down overwhelming emotions, explore the full story of the affair in a guided and contained way, identify the unmet needs and relationship patterns that made the marriage vulnerable, begin rebuilding emotional safety, and create a concrete roadmap for what healing will look like moving forward.

Rather than taking one small step each week, couples have the opportunity to immerse themselves in one to three days of focused affair recovery work that often creates breakthroughs impossible to reach in shorter sessions.

What Affair Recovery Therapy Looks Like in a Couples Intensive

Every intensive is tailored to the unique story of the couple sitting in front of me, but each one is built around creating enough emotional safety to tell the truth while remaining connected.

We spend time understanding the history of your relationship, exploring both partners' experiences of the affair, addressing the questions that feel too frightening to ask at home, and working directly with the nervous system so conversations can happen without becoming overwhelming. We also begin rebuilding transparency, clarifying boundaries, and discussing what rebuilding trust will actually require moving forward.

Throughout the process, we move at a pace that honors both the profound injury experienced by the betrayed partner and the accountability required from the partner who had the affair.

The goal is never to rush forgiveness or push you toward staying together. The goal is clarity, honesty, and creating a path forward that aligns with your values.

Every affair recovery intensive is designed to help couples understand the betrayal, rebuild emotional safety, and create a realistic roadmap for healing—whether that ultimately means rebuilding the relationship or separating with clarity and respect.

Affair Recovery for Couples Traveling From Out of State

Because affair recovery requires focused, uninterrupted work, many of the couples I see choose to travel from across California and throughout the United States for an intensive.

Stepping away from home often allows couples to temporarily leave behind the daily responsibilities that make it difficult to focus on healing. Without work obligations, household demands, or parenting routines competing for attention, they are able to fully immerse themselves in repairing their relationship.

If you're traveling, we'll spend time preparing for the logistics of your trip, discussing where to stay, planning emotionally for the intensive, and talking through what you might want to share with children, family members, or friends while you're away.

Many couples tell me that simply creating dedicated space for their relationship becomes healing in itself.

What Happens After an Affair Recovery Intensive?

An affair recovery intensive can become a powerful turning point, but it is not the end of the healing journey.

The intensive creates the foundation. Together we develop shared language, deepen understanding, begin repairing trust, and establish new patterns of communication. From there, we discuss what ongoing support will best help you continue integrating the work.

For some couples, that means additional intensive sessions. Others transition into ongoing couples therapy, individual therapy, or continue working alongside a trusted therapist closer to home if they traveled for the intensive.

Healing doesn't happen because of one conversation. It happens because the conversations you begin during the intensive continue changing the way you relate to one another long after you leave my office.

You Don't Have to Navigate Affair Recovery Alone

If you're reading this because you've had an affair, or because you've just discovered your partner has, I want you to know that you are not the only couple who has walked this path.

Your confusion makes sense.

Your grief makes sense.

Your anger makes sense.

Whether you're looking for ongoing affair recovery therapy, weekly couples counseling, or a focused intensive designed specifically for infidelity recovery, you don't have to figure this out on your own.

If you're searching for an experienced affair recovery therapist, I'd be honored to help you explore what healing could look like for your relationship. During a brief consultation, we'll talk about where you are today, what you're hoping to accomplish, and whether weekly therapy or an affair recovery intensive is the best next step for you.

If something inside you is wondering whether your relationship could become different than it is today, that's a meaningful place to begin.

Call (909) 600-0306 to schedule a consultation. There's no pressure and no obligation—just a conversation about what support might look like for you and your relationship.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Affair Recovery

How long does affair recovery take?

Every relationship heals at its own pace, so there isn't a universal timeline for affair recovery. For some couples, the initial crisis begins to settle within a few months. For others, rebuilding trust may take a year or longer. The length of the healing process depends on many factors, including whether the affair has completely ended, the willingness of the partner who had the affair to be transparent and accountable, and both partners' commitment to understanding the deeper relationship patterns that contributed to the betrayal. Healing isn't about getting back to the relationship you had before the affair—it's about creating a healthier one moving forward.

Can a marriage survive an affair?

Yes. While not every couple chooses to stay together, many marriages do survive infidelity. In fact, some couples describe their relationship after affair recovery as being more honest, emotionally connected, and intentional than it had ever been before. That doesn't mean the affair was necessary or beneficial. It means that when both partners are willing to do the difficult work of rebuilding trust, healing is possible.

Is affair recovery possible if the affair lasted a long time?

Absolutely. The length of the affair doesn't automatically determine whether recovery is possible. Long-term affairs often create deeper wounds and require more time to process, but healing depends far more on what happens after the affair is discovered than on how long it lasted. Genuine remorse, consistent honesty, and a willingness to understand what led to the affair are much stronger predictors of recovery than the timeline itself.

Should we start weekly couples therapy or an affair recovery intensive?

It depends on where you are in the healing process. Weekly couples therapy can be incredibly helpful for many relationships, especially when the crisis has begun to stabilize. However, immediately after discovering an affair, many couples feel overwhelmed by intense emotions, constant questions, and repeated arguments that are difficult to address in a 50-minute session. An affair recovery intensive provides uninterrupted time to slow everything down, answer difficult questions, begin rebuilding safety, and create a clear roadmap for healing. Many couples continue with weekly or ongoing therapy after the intensive to support long-term change.

Is it normal for the betrayed partner to ask the same questions over and over?

Yes. This is one of the most common experiences after infidelity. The betrayed partner's brain is trying to make sense of a traumatic event that shattered their sense of safety. Repeating questions is often part of the nervous system's attempt to understand what happened and determine whether it is safe to trust again. Rather than viewing these conversations as a sign that healing isn't happening, it's often more helpful to learn how to answer them in a way that promotes understanding instead of creating more pain.

Will we ever trust each other again?

Trust rarely returns all at once. It is rebuilt through hundreds of small moments of honesty, consistency, and follow-through over time. Rebuilding trust doesn't mean forgetting what happened or pretending the affair never occurred. It means creating enough emotional safety that both partners begin experiencing one another differently. While the process requires patience, many couples find that trust can become stronger than it was before because it is built intentionally rather than assumed.

Do you work with couples who travel for affair recovery intensives?

Yes. Many of the couples I work with travel from throughout California and across the United States for affair recovery intensives. Spending one to three focused days away from the demands of everyday life often allows couples to fully immerse themselves in the healing process. If you're traveling, I'll help you prepare for the intensive, discuss logistics, and create a plan for continuing your progress once you return home.

How do I know if we're ready for affair recovery therapy?

You don't have to know exactly what you want before reaching out. Many couples contact me while they're still uncertain whether they want to rebuild the relationship or whether healing is even possible. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in the same painful conversations, or unsure what the next step should be, a consultation can help clarify your options. Together, we'll explore whether weekly therapy or an affair recovery intensive is the best fit for your relationship.

Alicia Taverner, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist who helps couples heal after infidelity, years of resentment, and the exhaustion of feeling stuck in the same painful patterns.

Her work helps partners begin to understand each other again, rebuild appreciation, and create lasting change with a focused, supportive approach. Alicia uses brain based techniques, including Brainspotting and ketamine assisted psychotherapy, in an intensive format that gives couples more room to heal without the start and stop of weekly sessions.

Learn more about Alicia’s work with affair recovery intensives, relationship therapy, and ketamine therapy, or visit her About page.

The Right Way to Apologize

Is my teen Depressed?

Pimples, boyfriends, social media, the high school drama. Today’s teens have it pretty rough. You may find yourself asking, “Is this normal teenage moodiness or something else?”

With the surge of hormones, rapidly changing feelings, and social obsession the teenage years can be challenging.

It may be hard to tell if what your teen is feeling is normal teenage behavior.

Between 15 to 20 % of teens experience depression before adulthood, and less than half of these teens are being treated for depression. Untreated depression in teens can have many negative long-term effects. Teens with prolonged depression are at greater risk of suicide, are less likely to complete high-school, and may lead the teen to developpoor self-confidence and low self-esteem.   

Many times depression in teens is overlooked because it is confused with being “a part of the teenage process.”

Depression in teens is very different from teenage moodiness.

Signs of depression in teens :

If you aren’t sure if what your teen is feeling is really depression or normal teenage moodiness, the following list includes key signs of major depression in teens. You can use this list to help you determine if your teen may need some extra help.

• Your teen is cutting or engaging in other self harm behaviors.

• Someone in you family has depression or other mental problems.

• Your teen’s not doing well in school, is less social, or has quit hobbies or recreational activities.

• Your teen has thoughts of suicide, or a history of suicide attempts.

• Your teen thinks they are worthless and often focuses on their flaws or negative traits.

• Your teen’s sleeping and eating patterns have significantly changed.

• Your teen is experiencing anxiety and often feels overwhelmed.

• Others, including yourself, have noticed an obvious change in your teen’s personality.

• Your teen has reported feelings of sadness or depression lasting longer than a 2 week period.

• Your teen recently experienced a significant life stressor including the loss of a love one, family life conflict, abuse or trauma, or issues with gender/sexual orientation.

Teens who seek counseling for depression are less likely to be affected by long-term depression and report a greater sense of well-being. Therapy for teen’s with depression can reduce many negative side effects including substance abuse, eating disorders, suicide, other high risk behaviors.

If you or someone you love is experiencing depression, or you believe you are at risk, seek further consultation.  This checklist is not intended to be used in leu of professional assistance, and a diagnosis can not be made without proper consultation with a mental health professional.  For more information visit www.RanchoCounseling.com or contact Raquel Buchanan, MA. at (818) 839-2032. 

10 Ways for Mamas to Recharge

Whether you’ve had a long day with the kiddos, a trying day at work, or pretty simple and easy day, self care for mom seems to get put on the backburner. I hear things like, “There’s not enough time,” or “How can I prioritize myself above my kids?”

The best metaphor I can use here is pouring from an empty cup.

If we have nothing, we’ve got nothing to give.

I explained a little more in-depth about the necessary superpower of asking for help in my last post, so if you haven’t checked it out go and do yourself a huge favor ;)

I’ll admit that mommy guilt can creep up on me like a storm, and running a business can take me away from spending as much time as I think I’m “supposed to” with my kids. After a long day, I want to get in bed with the baby and run my hands over his angel soft little cheeks, and shower him with kisses. I can let that guilt turn me into a fairy Godmother, that grants all the wishes I possibly can in the hour I see them before they go off to bed, and when the sun rises the following day that guilt can trick me into thinking I have to give like I’ve never given before.

I tell myself things like, “I’m going to be present, we are only eating organic, and I’m not going to look at my phone once for the next 24 hours because I was gone all day yesterday, and I really need to give, give, give of myself to this little being." I seriously sound like my favorite #momtruths mamas, Cat & Nat in this hilarious video.

That video is so hilarious because it’s just so true!    

I get to about noon, and all that presence wears me out. My business and my people are so rewarding and fun, but even a day at Disneyland takes a toll and you eventually wish for some quarters for that machine that gives the crumby foot massage. That foot massage is what gives you the pep back in your step and pushes you toward that last ride and then to the car.

It’s not fair to think that we can be present at ALL times. In order to do all the things, mamas need to time to themselves, they need that foot massage to get over the hump, and they need to fill their cup so they can give to their people.

Here are 10 things you can do to recharge your batteries that I think are so much better than that crumby foot massage machine:

1.     Meditate.

In the last several months I’ve become obsessed with my Headspace app. You might think of meditation as some strange thing that only monks do, but it’s truly like a little cat nap for your brain and I highly recommend it. Mama brains are like a website browser that has 1,000 tabs open at all times, and it can be seriously overwhelming to have all the tasks and to-dos floating around in there. Take 10 minutes out of your day and refocus your mind. You’ll come back to your day feeling a little lighter and a little more refreshed.  

2.     Journal.

Capture all of the things that you are grateful for, and the fantastic moments of the day that you don’t want to forget. I love The 5-minute Journal, and it comes in paper form or as an app. When we focus our minds on gratitude, it helps to melt away stress and anxiety and bring us back to what’s really important.

3.     Give yourself permission to use naptime as your time.

Instead of catching up on chores, do something for yourself. Call a friend and catch up, watch that show you've been meaning to get to, even if it's only for 30 minutes and the rest of the time you actually catch up on chores - they're always going to be there. A happy, present mama is worth so much more than a load of laundry. 

4.     Take a bath. 

That sudsy goodness isn’t just for your little ones! After a long day, a nice dip in the tub with the door closed and locked, and no tiny hands rummaging through bathroom cabinets can do wonders for your mind and your body. If you don’t have a bathtub, take a nice long, hot shower. Listen to some music, and indulge in some nice aromatherapy with a sweet-smelling bath salt or body wash.

5.     Hit the gym.

If you can't get to the gym, try something like Stroller Strides, or create your own workout at home. There are so many solutions to the problem of not having childcare, so hit up Google for some exercises with kiddos and babies. Exercise will give you more energy and boost your endorphin levels helping you feel less anxiety and more self-confidence.

6.     Create a space just for you in your home.

For me this is my office. It’s where I go to write, and think, and meditate. Truthfully, it isn’t even all mine, because I share it with my hubby who also works out of there, but that piece of space is just for me. Having a small corner somewhere in your home or yard that’s decorated just for you where you can read, do yoga, or just pass by and look at will remind you that there is more to you than just being mama. Create a little space that’s inviting that will remind you to take a couple minutes for yourself each day.

7.     Join a moms group.

I know not all moms see the value in this, and it can be scary to put yourself out there and meet a group of strangers, but knowing that you’re not alone in your journey as a mama is so important. If you don’t feel up to meeting new people, and already have a group of friends that also have kids, arrange to meet up on an ongoing basis – once a week for a park date or activity. The emphasis here is on connection and the kids will love it too.

8.     Plan a MNO, and make it a recurring event in your calendar. 

Having a kid-free event with your pals on the calendar can help you survive a hellish week of teething, tantrums, and carpool. Plan something fun and give yourself permission to let daddy or the babysitter be in charge for an evening so you can enjoy yourself and do something that makes you happy.

9.     Get a massage or spa treatment. 

Do it without guilt. Carrying around little ones doesn’t just take a toll on your brain, but also on your body. If you can’t realistically plan a full day to indulge at a spa, try booking a 30-minute massage and sneaking out to indulge a little. While you might initially feel a little guilty for this indulgence, focus on the way you feel when you return home to your little people, and keep that in mind. Filling your cup is what’s important here.

10. Plan a retreat weekend. 

This might sound like a big leap here, and as I shared in my last post, I didn’t get to this one for a while. I took a retreat for a long weekend with a fantastic group of Lady Bosses, and it was fantastic! It took some planning and preparation to leave for 3 days, but I came back refreshed, and rejuvenated. Not having to cook or clean up after people, and enjoying full meals without interruption can sometimes be what we need to wind us back up!

So there you have it – I’ve given you 10 ways to recharge and fill your own cup. As you may have noticed, I started small. If taking time for yourself seems selfish, start small and work your way up to doing things that take a little more time and planning, or create your own list and pick and choose things that make you feel like your best self. If you’re not quite sure how to do that, and could use some help, I’m so happy to support my fellow mamas out there, don’t hesitate – pick up the phone and call me (909)226-6124.

The Superpower Every Mom Needs

There is the hierarchy in family life in which everything aligns. At the top is you. The mom. The person who holds it all together, the knower of all – we’ve all heard the saying “It’s not lost until mom doesn’t know where it is,” right?

Everything hinges on mom. Mom knows where everything is, and knows the perfect sequence of all that must align in order to get the kids where they need to be and keep the household running on a daily basis. Mom knows what to pack; mom knows the perfect toy or stuffed animal that’s going to keep the baby from crying the whole way to grandma’s house. Everything and everyone is dependent on mom.

And that can be insanely exhausting!

What I’ve learned from talking with the moms I work with in my practice and from my own experience is that this pressure for mom to have it all together happens for a couple of different reasons.

One of the biggest reasons is that mom has trouble asking for help.

She feels as though she can do it all, she runs herself ragged trying to do it all, and does do it all. Until she can’t.

When you can’t do it all, frustration, anger, and sometimes even rage are the results.

Anger towards your partner - that should’ve known you needed help.

Anger towards the cars in front of you that are moving like snails and making you late for the doctor’s appointment.

Anger towards the kids for having the unnecessary tantrum in the waiting room over their juice being the wrong flavor.

So why not just relinquish control?

Well, because no one else knows how to do it quite right.

They don’t know that you need to kiss the boo-boo 4 times before you put the band-aide on, or that you need to pack the diaper cream and the cold pills because your little guy’s stuffy nose and diaper rash can flair up out of nowhere. No one will be as careful, no one will be as attentive, and no one will be as loving.

Mom must do it all.

But what happens when you can’t? What happens when you feel the crazy overwhelm that turns you into Monstermom - you know, where your head spins around twice and then you spew out your anger like a fire-breathing dragon?

Or maybe you cry a little. Or a lot. You hide in the bathroom after the kids are asleep and just break down into a good ol ugly cry. You feel sorry for yourself. No one else can possibly understand how hard this mom thing is, can they?   

You might wonder if it is really this hard for everyone else. Your partner certainly doesn’t understand, he acts like it should be a breeze – damn, it is a breeze for him. Why doesn’t he get as overwhelmed as you?

What if being supermom meant something a little different?

What if instead of it meaning that you create the perfect bento box lunch, and remember to write the perfect note to your child daily, it meant that you knew how to ask for help?

What if doing it all meant that you show up for your kids, and didn’t get so overwhelmed? What if it meant that you were able to be present, that your mind didn’t race, and that you no longer were fearful of leaving your kids with grandma for a night?

What if your new superpower became asking for help, before you needed it?

What if it meant taking care of yourself before your kids?

I’m here to tell you that, THAT is a superpower!

I’m willing to bet you a pack of fruit snacks that you have at least 2 people in your life that would be willing to help you on any given day. One of them probably sleeps right next to you every night.

It’s not easy to ask for help. I get it. No one can do it the way you do, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing! They may just do it differently, and if you live in the US, there’s probably a store located within driving distance where you can purchase anything that may have been forgotten.

I’ve been on a weekend retreat with 9 other fantastic therapists, all sharing ideas, inspiration, and support to one another in a cabin on Lake Tahoe. Sure I miss my kids and my husband, but it’s really hard to write these posts, and get other projects done in the house while also trying to be supermom.

What’s even harder though, is trying to pour from an empty cup.

I’ve had 3 fabulous days to get work done, collaborate, talk, laugh, and enjoy some beautiful scenery. Working through a weekend might not sound that fab to everyone, but I love the work I do, and it fills my cup.

Even though I know my 2 year old has likely had more screen time, and sugar over the weekend than I would have given him, he’s with people that love and care about him. They don’t do it the same way I do, but what’s more important to me is getting back to him and doing it my way with a sense of calm and the ability to be present, which I’ve come to recognize only comes when I take care of myself first.

I didn’t get to this place where I could be away for an entire weekend overnight, and I don’t expect you to either. It doesn’t even always take an entire weekend, and I’m so blessed to be able to do something like this, but it’s a mama superpower to recognize when I need to recharge.

Next week I’m going to share 10 ways you can tap into this superpower and recharge on the fly, so be sure to look for my post in your inbox. See ya there! Until then think about ways you can let go a little and ask for what you need. If you continue to struggle with this, I’m happy to help, give me a call and we can talk about whether joining out Mindful Mum Tribe is right for you (909) 226-6124.